I thought about this long and hard. But confess - not enough to give me sleepless nights. It was just about that much thinking that could put into perspective a lot of what unfolded in 2020. I realized that my resolutions for 2020 could not brace up to anything that unfolded.
For starters I had decided to take a break from work, yet again. This was to be my second sabbatical, since I became a mom.
I realized there was only so much multi-tasking I could do. And its better to get a few things right rather than try getting all of them right, or so I told myself.
It was time to quieten the need to explore that extension of myself that felt the need to be acknowledged beyond the realms of being a mom, a homemaker, a great neighbour, a true friend and da da da…it had to be the professional realm.
It was the very first resolution I broke. And in the very first month — January. For there came an offer to join an exciting start up and I quickly embraced the idea of being part of something new and meaningful. Albeit from home — the luxury of working from home — or so I thought.
Yet another significant resolution I had made was to make sure I focused on my finances — stay focused on building a nest egg. This would mean staying away from activities like retail therapy, guaranteed to burn a big hole in the pocket. Now this is something I needn’t have worried about — within three months into 2020, we were in lockdown. And were in a situation where saving up seemed a distant dream.
I had also resolved to get back to getting a decent amount of exercise through a regimen that would keep me outdoors for an hour everyday. But work schedule — both at home and work-work, left me high and dry. And with schools closing mid March, ‘me’ time became a lofty proposition.
And now for the things that never figured in my resolutions:
Family time: Come lockdown and there was plenty of it, in abundance and we savored every moment. We discovered those nooks around the house that soon became favorite spots to watch life go by — sit in silence and watch the sun set, as the world around us was in lockdown.
Experimental Cooking: From being a reluctant cook to becoming an experimental one — I baked, steamed, fried, sautéed my way into the kitchen.
Meditate — truly, deeply: Now this one was totally unplanned — I have been spiritually inquisitive — if there is that term — but to embrace a state of meditativeness to get to the spiritual realm, somehow was way beyond me. I would try to sit and meditate and in a matter of seconds, I would think of what I must cook for dinner, remember to add that task on my priority list at work, fill the prescription and so on. Hundred other thoughts would flow in suddenly, from nowhere. By the end of it all, I was exhausted from simply trying to sit still. So when the prospect of doing a Happiness Program online with the Art of Living, which claimed to lead one into meditation through relaxation came, I grabbed it. And I have not regretted it. Not that the thoughts don’t come, they do, but the experience of being in a state of equanimity, of recognizing Grace when it touches me, is something I had not fathomed. I am humbled.
Goodbye, Eating Out: I wouldn’t have dared to add this one to my list. But it happened. I couldn’t imagine that me or my family could do without this week after week — and we did, for six months straight. We still don’t eat out (but do take-aways). The after effects of this could be seen on mind and body — a few pounds lighter and a sense of pride at having overcome temptation (with a little help, of course).
And there are several others that could have well been fantastic resolutions — only I didn’t make them.
So, in hindsight, perhaps its always best to go with the flow. To let life happen and make the most of it. A year wiser, I decided to stay away from making resolutions this year — am sure life has plenty in store for me anyway.
Happy New Year!